Small things that make the heart smile!

Lately my life has been filled with busyness. There's been no time to stop and chill and just do what I wanna do.

But theres been some things thats made my heart stop and smile!

- spending a day with this cheeky smile! Kelly Tarltons to Mission Bay, penguins, playground and swimming! Ended in a 2 block walk carrying a sleeping little monkey back to his mum at work after he fell asleep in the car! Spending the day with him made me smile, it made my heart smile and it made me Happy! It made me feel just like I used to around kiddies!

-celebrating a new friends 21st Birthday with a bunch of amazing girls who make my life here bearable! Without you I don't think I could keep on smiling at all! Hanging out with you always creates a nice memory! I love you!

-being involved in McRush's family dinner for Ronald McDonald House, 300 burgers and 70 nugget happy meals were prepared and delivered to RMH for dinner one sunday night. Was so awesome to see how stoked the families were to be getting Maccas!

- Lunch with a beautiful friend from my Hewett House days! Even if she was a tad hungover! Love ya Ash!

- Making the most and having some fun out of Biscuit Season!

-Attempted to learn cafe at work and experiment a little!

In amongst all these fun times and good things that have made my heart smile, my heart has been challenged!

Yesterday I said goodbye to my sister, her Auckland Chapter is officially closed for now. I actually shed a tear as I walked away from her car into my flat. It's official, I'm alone, my parents and brother live 600kms away on opposite sides of the island from each other, and well my sister, her ferry crossing to Christchurch is on thursday and then we're officially in seperate islands again. Last year with her was a challenge, but AMAZING she left home when I was 5 so it was the first time we've lived together that I can actually remember! I miss her already!

I was blessed by uni to get a ticket to Parachute, this meant I also had the opportunity to carry-on down to Napier for a couple days and so I did! It was great fun! I didn't want to leave. And then 72 hours after arriving in Auckland again I got the phone call,  someone who I hadn't seen for so long, but someone who knew how to make me smile had laugh had been promoted to Glory.

Only one week earlier had he finally processed my insurance claim which had been lost amongst other things for the past year. Our insurance broker, one of Hawkes Bay's most reputable bussiness men lost his life, he left behind 3 young boys, younger than me and a beautiful strong wife. The part that I found the hardest to comprehend was how they stood so strong at his funeral after seeing him pass right before their eyes. They were so content, like they knew he was in the best place.

Just a few days ago marked the first year anniversary since my 12 year old neighbour, a lively and fun, caring and loveable young guy was taken from this earth, taken way too suddenly and early. After having been his mums rock during her battle with lukemia during the previous year it was such a shock and battle for this tight knitted family to lose such a bubbly energetic man. It reminded me that life is too short to ponder over the little things.

I was also remincing over the good old times at high School, my rebellious days where such a beautiful fun loving chick taught me all the do's and don'ts about successfully rebelling! That beautiful girl had our whole year group in tears the day we heard that she'd been diagnosed with lukemia when we were all so young at HS, how would our tight class cope without her bubbly smile, and cheeky personality to make us laugh was all we could think. Now i owe it to Nikki, such a beautiful chick who I know is watching down on everyone right now! Her strength and beauty is something I admire and I feel blessed to have now had a glimpse at where she was all those years during HS as we slept in our own beds, ate homecooked meals everynight and spent each day with our friends by our sides. We as her classmates were her biggest threat once she was diagnosed. Except for when she was well enough to be in Napier and I passed her on the streets FB was the only place I saw this beautiful chick in the past few years!

Lifes too short to worry what people think, if you've got tears rolling down your face it shouldn't be a matter of someone fussing over you and making you feel like a baby, a simple loving hug and smile never goes astray.

Hug those you love often, thank those who support always, smile for tomorrows worth seeing.



Looking forward....

As 2012 approaches- Scary I know!

I'm caught looking back on the past year,

* I travelled to Sydney by myself!
* I moved away from home, away from the norm and into the big wide world..... AUCKLAND!
* I began and completed my first year of my Bachelor of Business at AUT University.
* I got my first ever job, at McDonald's Britomart and have the best network of friends there! Supportive, loving, caring and helpful =)
* I've continually prayed and thought about my loved ones in Christchurch.
* Every day i've missed my friends.
* November 11th marked a year since I braved the bald and shaved my lid for a brave kid!

It's been a year since I finished high school, since i embarked on a new path and parted with my sisters i'd spent 5 long, hard, exciting years with! 5 AMAZING years!

Every month theres a new 1st time...
In January I travelled abroad alone alone.
February i not only moved out of home but moved cities.
In March I started at Kakamai Guides- my first time as a guide leader...
April, flew to Napier for the first time as an Aucklander...
May, did my first mammoth road trip to Napier
June I had my first birthday away from my mum and dad.
July visited chch for the first time since Sept 2010
August went on guide camp instead of Midland division kids camp. AND got a job.
September went to a rugby world cup match
October finished my first year of university, moved into a real flat...
November remembered the sacrifice i made a year earlier... without those who supported me the year before...
December spent my first christmas unwillingly away from home. Away from my friends. 

All these things so little and insignificant have been massive challenges for me, massive learning curves and a massive emotional and physical battle.

I'm thankful for unconditionally supportive friends and family, my saviour who never leaves nor forsakes me and most of all the love given to me daily by all!

Hugs xx

Positive in the negative....

I feel like the only time I ever write on here is a total downbuzz or "vent" as some would say.

So today I'm going for Positive..... I'll make the negative overview brief to highlight why the positive is so good!

So I've been struggling away from my friends and family lately and just missing the people I love the most so much! I've pretty much just been struggling with the changes in my life over the past year...

BUT...

I had some really good moments in the past few weeks!

*I passed my whole first year at uni! My grades weren't amazing but its been a tough year and I succeeded with the help of God and those who believe in me!

* I got to visit a beautiful city in its rebuilding and celebrate a Beautiful friends 21st Birthday!

* I was at work and one of my managers for the day complimented my work ethics and performance for the day multiple times and it made me feel super amazing!

*Today I made over $100 for Ronald McDonald House Charities by selling/making balloon animals etc outside of work while the Santa Parade was one.

* I remembered what I did a year ago and how I helped to change some beautiful, strong and amazing kids lives!


Life is what you make of it.

I'm going to aim for less bad days and more good, higher expectations of my life means a richer life I will live, and I'm going to aim for Excellence in everything I do, not just what I want!

<3 Life everyday..

My favourite things...

In my last blog I wrote about my recent adventures, well on the trip to Napier that was to honour Nikki Ellison's beautiful life.
I had the privilege to meet a new blessing in this world. Elisha, he was only a week old when I got to meet the little blessing from above. So precious and tiny. Yet one day he will be so powerful, inspirational and a unique character in this world!

Today I went to the church I now try to call "home" and an officer i've known since the time I started coming to the army was a guest speaker. And immersed in converstaion with her I found myself say "Yeah well when i'm at church this is where I am" in response to her suprise and confusion that I was attending that corps.

When I thought about what i'd just said I realised how bad it sounded but when I look back on it its true. Some weeks yes I'm away, otherweeks I have an event or training or family commitment. But then there's the weeks that I wake up and roll back over, all I want to do is walk into church and be hugged by my best friends, the people I've journeyed with intently over the past few years and that know when somethings wrong and how to make me feel better with just one look.
All I want to do on these weeks is walk through those giant glass doors and have kids that I've taught come running up to me with their open arms and precious smiles.

I miss the days when a bad day at church was having 23 of the 3-7 year olds I taught alone. Or sitting on opposite ends of a row to someone cause you had a tiff and your not talking.

Now to me those days look so good.

My favourite things are;
- walking into a room and having trouble deciding who to say hi to first and get that great big weekly hug!
- seeing friends everyday and still missing them so much in between cause your so close.
- seeing kids lives changed.
- being a person of change in this world.
- hanging out with my best friends who might as well just be my brothers and sisters.
- seeing kids lives change as they grow and seeing them become the person they are destined to be.
- seeing my best friends across the room and feeling that warm fuzzy feeling inside of me.

I have way more favourite things but at the moment these are my favourite things which I miss so much!

To my dearest Bethany, I miss hanging to you and talking about absolutely nothing in particular!
I will always love you and no matter where in this world we are i'll always feel close to you!

Jesse, Jake, Crystal, Mikayla, Bredine, Nessa and Brianna! I miss hanging out with you's and being dorks! Having random times and memories and being the people who we were born to be ;)

Jess, Christine, Holly, Sarah, Mandy, Anna, Heather! I miss your wisdom, your encouragement and your support!

<3

It's been a while....

Well it's been a while since I last wrote and lets say life's been pretty hectic! I'll start with the latest and go back in time.

*This weekend just been I attended the annual GirlGuiding NZ Young Leaders Conference and I was Challenged, inspired and changed.
-I was reminded why i'm in such a wonderful organisation, to give back to girls what I myself recieved but also Personal Development! It's not just about others its about me too, I have a life to live and develop in.
- I met some really awesome young woman from around NZ, heard woman speak about their experiences and genuinely had an awesome weekend!

*The previous two weeks I've been challenged by returning to Auckland and Uni and getting back into the lifestyle.

*My first day back in Auckland I spent with the Walkers, dear friends of mine!

*After returning from CHCH I drove to Napier on 4 hours sleep at 4:30am to honour the life of the Beautiful Nikki Ellison, taken too soon from this world and may she rest in peace! Free of pain at last, Much love hun! xx

*I spent time in CHCH and Motueka with family and friends.

*I spent two weeks in Napier and loved every minute of it!

*I celebrated my birthday with precious friends at the zoo, then Circus Circus for dinner.

Life's been pretty challenging, crazy, busy and hardwork. but in the end I know it will be good and God has an intended plan for my life and I look forward to it unravelling more!

Kia Kaha!
<3

Something so simple.

Weekly I've struggled to get myself out of bed and head to church at the Salvation Army in Mt Albert, Mt Albert is a completely family orieentated corps and is the opposite to my family in Napier which I <3 so much. Napier is a large corps with a solid youth group, childrens ministry and other various aspects to the corps. Everyone tries to know everyone yet sometimes its just to hard.
Mt Albert is small, and everyone pretty much knows everyone, theres less kids in the whole corps than on the 3-7 year olds roll at Napier.
But yesterday I went to church and I walked away so happy. I ended up with the under 5 year olds during the meeting, it felt so good to be in a ministry where I feel at home. The kids are not like my kids at home, the 4 of them were hard work and there were 3 leaders! I've been out in pebbles @ Napier before with 22 3-7 year olds alone and that was a challenge yet so rewarding. But yesterday I was challenged and not rewarded, yet I felt so happy to be able to finally give and be with kids again. The joy they bring to my life, the smiles they give, the cheeky behaviour. All of that makes me smile and feel at home.

Reflecting On Life.

In my last Blog I spoke about Faith arising from a Beautiful Miracle and How I was seeing God for the man he truely is.
Well life has taken a backwards turn. I've been home a couple times and realised I'm actually not standing as the Christian Is stood as a few months ago, I'm not relying on God to pull me through the change. I'm trying to stand on my own two feet, I'm trying to do what I think I need. But really all I need is God and the Love of people he's placing in my life. But I haven't wanted to accept those people- I've wanted to be as far away from God and his people as possible. I've had mornings where I haven't gone to church just cause I don't wanna face the fact that I'm not where my "heart" is back at Napier Corps, with my friends and church family who I just wanna be doing daily life with.

But you know what? God's obviously got other plans for my life- otherwise I wouldn't be sitting in my Auckland City Apartment telling myself that the only way through this is to go back to God. Last year I said to God, hey God if you want me to be in Uni you're going to have to make it obvious and if you don't want me there again its going to have to be obvious. See I'm pretty stubborn especially when it comes to prophetic messages and God's word.
And well, I was doing pretty bad at school, I was struggling to pass and wasn't very optimistic about passing NCEA level 3, getting uni entrance or getting into uni. But well here I sit as a first year Business student 10 minutes walk from my classrooms at Auckland University of Technology, Every lesson is a struggle, a struggle to understand, remember and actually do the work. My first assignment saw me only get a C+ but as I'm constantly reminded C's get degrees, but is it truely good enough?

On the weekend I was back in the Bay celebrating an amazing woman of God and a spiritual mother to me. Not only is she a spiritual mum though- she's a pretty good earthly mum. No matter how busy or tired she is she still manages to find time to stop, give you a hug and ask how you're going. She's got 5 kids, a busy husband and a huge heart. I remember back in 2009 we went to a conference aand I started calling her mum, within moments she turned around and said, "I'd rather Aunty it makes me feel younger." But we celebrated her 40th Birthday this weekend with a massive surprise party. She didn't even know I was in town. And as I looked accross the room at her I couldn't believe that someone could have done such a great job of raising 5 kids so far, kept the house running smoothly and managed to take so many other people under her wing and live a life for Jesus so well! I don't know if I would have travelled for as long as I did just for one weekend for one person if it was anyone else but you!

While I was home i talked to another amazing woman who's been a big part of my Journey, and I remembered why. As we stood just chatting I soon found myself  opening up and realising what I was doing was wrong, knowing that how I was feeling was normal but that it had to stop. This woman didn't deny that it wasn't hard but she knew I could get through it. Pushing into God and remembering he stands by me is the key. Faith by others on yourself is such a strong and powerful tool.

On my way home I met with an old mentor, someone  who helped me through times I could never imagine, stood with me, held me and journeyed in life with me. They moved away and I struggled to accept it. I struggled to continuue in the relationship, I struggled to livee life as I was and seeing them was like a knife going through my heart. I just struggled to say goodbye again. But as time went by this didn't help. I didn't tell them I was coming to town I didn't want to feel that pain again. And it made things worse. It had been about 6 months since our last real conversation and then we met. It felt like nothing had changed, I had my friend back and I could finally smile again. I didn't need this person back in my life to feel good about myself, to look to as an Idol or to be best friends with. I needed them back in my life to carry on the journey, to carry on the journey that they played a huge part in, I would hate to have died and been unsure whether they would  be at my funeral sharing in my life celebrations and not knowing how important they were to me or if they died for them to die and me to know my last real words to them were in an arguement.

Since my last Blog my brother raced at Hamilton 400's the V8 supercars racing. One of the biggest motorsport events for NZ to ever hold- although it happens yearly it's still the biggest motorsport event in NZ. And well my brrother was invited to race in a support class and with a little peer pressure jumpeed at the oportunity. We presumed he would be with fellow racers in the GT classes which he races in IRC but there was a gap in the Muscle cars and they were topped up with GT cars including my brother. The competition got a little heated and the Muscle cars weren't impressed that these GT cars were winning. The atmosphere was not as family like as other track events where the pits are an area of fun for all competitors and their teams, borrowing tools and helping each other out when things go wrong. And welll it was the last lap of the last race, it was even the last corner and my brother in his 2001 Subaru Impreza WRX STi Spec C which has had a complete trannsformation from what it was purchased as. Well on this last corner my brother had plucked up the courage to pass this musstang who had given him trouble all weekend. But the mustang wasn't giving up without a fight, which resulted in my brother being pushed into the wall damaging the rear of the car before plowing head on into a concrete wall at 140km/h, spinning out from force, being tapped again by the mustang before finally coming in to stop on the otherside of the track against another concrete wall. To top it all off the car caught fire and took a while to extinguish. Meanwhile the crew team had been waiting in the pits to watch him cross the line 3rd which would have made all 3 places go to none muscle car winners. But instead he recieved a DNF and a very brooken car. Thankfully all new safety gear for the event meant apart from being bruised and sore my brother walked away from the crash virtually unharmed- except of course the lost priide especially having your truck driven home by a woman becausee your too sore and shocked to drive. Well all is well in the racing world now- except the mustang repeating himself at an event the follwing weekend- damage was minimal though as walls aren't concrete. Yesterday my brother picked up his new 2002 Subaru Impreza WRX STi Spec C, which a fellow competitor helped him out with. Later in the year hopefully he shall be back on the track in the new Spec C, having used salvedgable parts from the old car and new parts. This is a more economical and faster way to get back on the track. Once completeed the original car will be fixed and either kept or sold. As time and money permits the rebuild of it.

In the midst of all this was my Grandads 6th year anniversary of his death, a day in my life I will never ever forget. 7/5/2004. FB<3 was a hero, a dad, a grandad, a friend and a mentor. He's my hero, I'll always look to him and know someone in this world believes in me. Love and miss you Grandad. You will never be forgotten, I'll come visit you this week I promise, I'll bring presents too, I'll come sit with you and drink my tea and eat my sponge cake in a special afternoon tea.

All these things have  meant I've struggled, I've questioned things that aren't worth questioning, I've questioned God on things I don't really want the answer for and I've walked away from the most important things.