Weekly I've struggled to get myself out of bed and head to church at the Salvation Army in Mt Albert, Mt Albert is a completely family orieentated corps and is the opposite to my family in Napier which I <3 so much. Napier is a large corps with a solid youth group, childrens ministry and other various aspects to the corps. Everyone tries to know everyone yet sometimes its just to hard.
Mt Albert is small, and everyone pretty much knows everyone, theres less kids in the whole corps than on the 3-7 year olds roll at Napier.
But yesterday I went to church and I walked away so happy. I ended up with the under 5 year olds during the meeting, it felt so good to be in a ministry where I feel at home. The kids are not like my kids at home, the 4 of them were hard work and there were 3 leaders! I've been out in pebbles @ Napier before with 22 3-7 year olds alone and that was a challenge yet so rewarding. But yesterday I was challenged and not rewarded, yet I felt so happy to be able to finally give and be with kids again. The joy they bring to my life, the smiles they give, the cheeky behaviour. All of that makes me smile and feel at home.
Sunday 15 May 2011
Monday 9 May 2011
Reflecting On Life.
In my last Blog I spoke about Faith arising from a Beautiful Miracle and How I was seeing God for the man he truely is.
Well life has taken a backwards turn. I've been home a couple times and realised I'm actually not standing as the Christian Is stood as a few months ago, I'm not relying on God to pull me through the change. I'm trying to stand on my own two feet, I'm trying to do what I think I need. But really all I need is God and the Love of people he's placing in my life. But I haven't wanted to accept those people- I've wanted to be as far away from God and his people as possible. I've had mornings where I haven't gone to church just cause I don't wanna face the fact that I'm not where my "heart" is back at Napier Corps, with my friends and church family who I just wanna be doing daily life with.
But you know what? God's obviously got other plans for my life- otherwise I wouldn't be sitting in my Auckland City Apartment telling myself that the only way through this is to go back to God. Last year I said to God, hey God if you want me to be in Uni you're going to have to make it obvious and if you don't want me there again its going to have to be obvious. See I'm pretty stubborn especially when it comes to prophetic messages and God's word.
And well, I was doing pretty bad at school, I was struggling to pass and wasn't very optimistic about passing NCEA level 3, getting uni entrance or getting into uni. But well here I sit as a first year Business student 10 minutes walk from my classrooms at Auckland University of Technology, Every lesson is a struggle, a struggle to understand, remember and actually do the work. My first assignment saw me only get a C+ but as I'm constantly reminded C's get degrees, but is it truely good enough?
On the weekend I was back in the Bay celebrating an amazing woman of God and a spiritual mother to me. Not only is she a spiritual mum though- she's a pretty good earthly mum. No matter how busy or tired she is she still manages to find time to stop, give you a hug and ask how you're going. She's got 5 kids, a busy husband and a huge heart. I remember back in 2009 we went to a conference aand I started calling her mum, within moments she turned around and said, "I'd rather Aunty it makes me feel younger." But we celebrated her 40th Birthday this weekend with a massive surprise party. She didn't even know I was in town. And as I looked accross the room at her I couldn't believe that someone could have done such a great job of raising 5 kids so far, kept the house running smoothly and managed to take so many other people under her wing and live a life for Jesus so well! I don't know if I would have travelled for as long as I did just for one weekend for one person if it was anyone else but you!
While I was home i talked to another amazing woman who's been a big part of my Journey, and I remembered why. As we stood just chatting I soon found myself opening up and realising what I was doing was wrong, knowing that how I was feeling was normal but that it had to stop. This woman didn't deny that it wasn't hard but she knew I could get through it. Pushing into God and remembering he stands by me is the key. Faith by others on yourself is such a strong and powerful tool.
On my way home I met with an old mentor, someone who helped me through times I could never imagine, stood with me, held me and journeyed in life with me. They moved away and I struggled to accept it. I struggled to continuue in the relationship, I struggled to livee life as I was and seeing them was like a knife going through my heart. I just struggled to say goodbye again. But as time went by this didn't help. I didn't tell them I was coming to town I didn't want to feel that pain again. And it made things worse. It had been about 6 months since our last real conversation and then we met. It felt like nothing had changed, I had my friend back and I could finally smile again. I didn't need this person back in my life to feel good about myself, to look to as an Idol or to be best friends with. I needed them back in my life to carry on the journey, to carry on the journey that they played a huge part in, I would hate to have died and been unsure whether they would be at my funeral sharing in my life celebrations and not knowing how important they were to me or if they died for them to die and me to know my last real words to them were in an arguement.
Since my last Blog my brother raced at Hamilton 400's the V8 supercars racing. One of the biggest motorsport events for NZ to ever hold- although it happens yearly it's still the biggest motorsport event in NZ. And well my brrother was invited to race in a support class and with a little peer pressure jumpeed at the oportunity. We presumed he would be with fellow racers in the GT classes which he races in IRC but there was a gap in the Muscle cars and they were topped up with GT cars including my brother. The competition got a little heated and the Muscle cars weren't impressed that these GT cars were winning. The atmosphere was not as family like as other track events where the pits are an area of fun for all competitors and their teams, borrowing tools and helping each other out when things go wrong. And welll it was the last lap of the last race, it was even the last corner and my brother in his 2001 Subaru Impreza WRX STi Spec C which has had a complete trannsformation from what it was purchased as. Well on this last corner my brother had plucked up the courage to pass this musstang who had given him trouble all weekend. But the mustang wasn't giving up without a fight, which resulted in my brother being pushed into the wall damaging the rear of the car before plowing head on into a concrete wall at 140km/h, spinning out from force, being tapped again by the mustang before finally coming in to stop on the otherside of the track against another concrete wall. To top it all off the car caught fire and took a while to extinguish. Meanwhile the crew team had been waiting in the pits to watch him cross the line 3rd which would have made all 3 places go to none muscle car winners. But instead he recieved a DNF and a very brooken car. Thankfully all new safety gear for the event meant apart from being bruised and sore my brother walked away from the crash virtually unharmed- except of course the lost priide especially having your truck driven home by a woman becausee your too sore and shocked to drive. Well all is well in the racing world now- except the mustang repeating himself at an event the follwing weekend- damage was minimal though as walls aren't concrete. Yesterday my brother picked up his new 2002 Subaru Impreza WRX STi Spec C, which a fellow competitor helped him out with. Later in the year hopefully he shall be back on the track in the new Spec C, having used salvedgable parts from the old car and new parts. This is a more economical and faster way to get back on the track. Once completeed the original car will be fixed and either kept or sold. As time and money permits the rebuild of it.
In the midst of all this was my Grandads 6th year anniversary of his death, a day in my life I will never ever forget. 7/5/2004. FB<3 was a hero, a dad, a grandad, a friend and a mentor. He's my hero, I'll always look to him and know someone in this world believes in me. Love and miss you Grandad. You will never be forgotten, I'll come visit you this week I promise, I'll bring presents too, I'll come sit with you and drink my tea and eat my sponge cake in a special afternoon tea.
All these things have meant I've struggled, I've questioned things that aren't worth questioning, I've questioned God on things I don't really want the answer for and I've walked away from the most important things.
Well life has taken a backwards turn. I've been home a couple times and realised I'm actually not standing as the Christian Is stood as a few months ago, I'm not relying on God to pull me through the change. I'm trying to stand on my own two feet, I'm trying to do what I think I need. But really all I need is God and the Love of people he's placing in my life. But I haven't wanted to accept those people- I've wanted to be as far away from God and his people as possible. I've had mornings where I haven't gone to church just cause I don't wanna face the fact that I'm not where my "heart" is back at Napier Corps, with my friends and church family who I just wanna be doing daily life with.
But you know what? God's obviously got other plans for my life- otherwise I wouldn't be sitting in my Auckland City Apartment telling myself that the only way through this is to go back to God. Last year I said to God, hey God if you want me to be in Uni you're going to have to make it obvious and if you don't want me there again its going to have to be obvious. See I'm pretty stubborn especially when it comes to prophetic messages and God's word.
And well, I was doing pretty bad at school, I was struggling to pass and wasn't very optimistic about passing NCEA level 3, getting uni entrance or getting into uni. But well here I sit as a first year Business student 10 minutes walk from my classrooms at Auckland University of Technology, Every lesson is a struggle, a struggle to understand, remember and actually do the work. My first assignment saw me only get a C+ but as I'm constantly reminded C's get degrees, but is it truely good enough?
On the weekend I was back in the Bay celebrating an amazing woman of God and a spiritual mother to me. Not only is she a spiritual mum though- she's a pretty good earthly mum. No matter how busy or tired she is she still manages to find time to stop, give you a hug and ask how you're going. She's got 5 kids, a busy husband and a huge heart. I remember back in 2009 we went to a conference aand I started calling her mum, within moments she turned around and said, "I'd rather Aunty it makes me feel younger." But we celebrated her 40th Birthday this weekend with a massive surprise party. She didn't even know I was in town. And as I looked accross the room at her I couldn't believe that someone could have done such a great job of raising 5 kids so far, kept the house running smoothly and managed to take so many other people under her wing and live a life for Jesus so well! I don't know if I would have travelled for as long as I did just for one weekend for one person if it was anyone else but you!
While I was home i talked to another amazing woman who's been a big part of my Journey, and I remembered why. As we stood just chatting I soon found myself opening up and realising what I was doing was wrong, knowing that how I was feeling was normal but that it had to stop. This woman didn't deny that it wasn't hard but she knew I could get through it. Pushing into God and remembering he stands by me is the key. Faith by others on yourself is such a strong and powerful tool.
On my way home I met with an old mentor, someone who helped me through times I could never imagine, stood with me, held me and journeyed in life with me. They moved away and I struggled to accept it. I struggled to continuue in the relationship, I struggled to livee life as I was and seeing them was like a knife going through my heart. I just struggled to say goodbye again. But as time went by this didn't help. I didn't tell them I was coming to town I didn't want to feel that pain again. And it made things worse. It had been about 6 months since our last real conversation and then we met. It felt like nothing had changed, I had my friend back and I could finally smile again. I didn't need this person back in my life to feel good about myself, to look to as an Idol or to be best friends with. I needed them back in my life to carry on the journey, to carry on the journey that they played a huge part in, I would hate to have died and been unsure whether they would be at my funeral sharing in my life celebrations and not knowing how important they were to me or if they died for them to die and me to know my last real words to them were in an arguement.
Since my last Blog my brother raced at Hamilton 400's the V8 supercars racing. One of the biggest motorsport events for NZ to ever hold- although it happens yearly it's still the biggest motorsport event in NZ. And well my brrother was invited to race in a support class and with a little peer pressure jumpeed at the oportunity. We presumed he would be with fellow racers in the GT classes which he races in IRC but there was a gap in the Muscle cars and they were topped up with GT cars including my brother. The competition got a little heated and the Muscle cars weren't impressed that these GT cars were winning. The atmosphere was not as family like as other track events where the pits are an area of fun for all competitors and their teams, borrowing tools and helping each other out when things go wrong. And welll it was the last lap of the last race, it was even the last corner and my brother in his 2001 Subaru Impreza WRX STi Spec C which has had a complete trannsformation from what it was purchased as. Well on this last corner my brother had plucked up the courage to pass this musstang who had given him trouble all weekend. But the mustang wasn't giving up without a fight, which resulted in my brother being pushed into the wall damaging the rear of the car before plowing head on into a concrete wall at 140km/h, spinning out from force, being tapped again by the mustang before finally coming in to stop on the otherside of the track against another concrete wall. To top it all off the car caught fire and took a while to extinguish. Meanwhile the crew team had been waiting in the pits to watch him cross the line 3rd which would have made all 3 places go to none muscle car winners. But instead he recieved a DNF and a very brooken car. Thankfully all new safety gear for the event meant apart from being bruised and sore my brother walked away from the crash virtually unharmed- except of course the lost priide especially having your truck driven home by a woman becausee your too sore and shocked to drive. Well all is well in the racing world now- except the mustang repeating himself at an event the follwing weekend- damage was minimal though as walls aren't concrete. Yesterday my brother picked up his new 2002 Subaru Impreza WRX STi Spec C, which a fellow competitor helped him out with. Later in the year hopefully he shall be back on the track in the new Spec C, having used salvedgable parts from the old car and new parts. This is a more economical and faster way to get back on the track. Once completeed the original car will be fixed and either kept or sold. As time and money permits the rebuild of it.
In the midst of all this was my Grandads 6th year anniversary of his death, a day in my life I will never ever forget. 7/5/2004. FB<3 was a hero, a dad, a grandad, a friend and a mentor. He's my hero, I'll always look to him and know someone in this world believes in me. Love and miss you Grandad. You will never be forgotten, I'll come visit you this week I promise, I'll bring presents too, I'll come sit with you and drink my tea and eat my sponge cake in a special afternoon tea.
All these things have meant I've struggled, I've questioned things that aren't worth questioning, I've questioned God on things I don't really want the answer for and I've walked away from the most important things.
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