Over the weekend I saw a family of 7 from my home church in Napier, this amazing family who has played such an amazing part in my life returned from their well earned family holiday. As amazing as it was to see my friends it was also sad. My heart broke as I walked away from their car at Auckland international airport. Knowing that they were heading back to Napier, the place I want to be most at the moment.
Sunday Morning I headed out west to hear my old corps officer preach @ Faith Factory. I saw two people who have played a significant role in my christian journey over the past 3/4 years. Seeing them was harder than I thought, I felt so lost and hopeless.
The message was so relevant and challenging, He spoke of a dad of the Napier Salvation Army, a man who influenced so many's lives and was an incredible man of God, a man who touched my life in a way I never realised till he was gone. Such a silent but amazing love sharer.
I had to hold back the tears and fight like there was something worth fighting for, In all honesty I would have rather collapsed into a heap and cried till I could cry no more.
Walking away, yet again broke my heart, but this time I choked back the tears and felt hopeless walking away from them.
Sunday Night I went to the Watoto Childrens Choir Restore Tour, I walked away amazed @ God's love and what he's done for them. I was completly broken as I left that church and passionate about changing my lifestyle and living my life only to glorify him!
He's done so much for me, he keeps pulling me back, yet I keep going the other way and I ask myself why? so many people have stood by me, supported me and tried to help me. Yet I've managed to push them away and I'm broken without these people in my life, I'm thankful for everything in my life that they have done and love them a tonne. But more than anything i'm sorry for the pain I've caused them.
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